Why I felt I needed to write about my journey of cancer? At the point of diagnosis, it was completely devasting, I did not accept that someone as healthy as I was could have a such diagnosis. The social discourse on cancer is that ultimately, it’s death. Was I ready for death, I still had so much to do! My reassuring factor was that I am 59, I have raised my children, seen my grandchildren, done a great deal of charity work so maybe the time had come for me to go to my creator. This was fine, I was content if that was my fate. Initially, I became completely helpless to make decisions about my care and treatments as I had strong opinions about natural treatments for illnesses. In the midst of COVID when flights were been cancelled, restrictions were in place, quarantine varied in different countries, I knew I had fewer options but to turn to conventional treatment. Whilst, questioning why I had Cancer I began searching on the internet about Cancer and I stumbled across video about Metabolic Therapy by Professor Thomas N Seyfried. He is Professor of Biology, genetics and biochemistry at Boston College. Once listening to his theory of breakdown of healthy cells in the body which then turn into cancerous cells made a lot of sense for me. My urge to question why I had Cancer; this was the start of my journey in search for answers. Having studied Psychology, I had instinct to always look at root cause of problems, I guess I am a solution focused person therefore I need to resolve issues than accept whatever is given to me.
February 2021 , I thought I was doing all the right things I was a very energetic, healthy individual, training to be a Pilates instructor, committed to charity work and empowering individuals through counselling and psychological therapies. All the things I thought were part of a healthy lifestyle and growing older whilst being healthy. I did not want to grow older like many other people filling their lives with medicines and resign to depend on visits to the hospital. I wanted to live a life full of energy and fulfilment.
Little did I know that my real test of health was just about to begin, early February 2021 whilst,stretching after waking up in the morning, I felt a lump between my arm pit and close to my left breast. I thought I had over exercised and perhaps it was a muscle issue and when I pressed on it felt tender. I happen to mention it to my husband who seem to react like the emergency services and spoke to an oncologist who happened to be our neighbour, what a coincidence!
Amazing how the creator challenges us with test and then provides us with ease. It was like I was in aroller-coaster from then on, appointmentswere being made for me the same day but I was not worried, as I was convinced that it was related to over exercising,and I thought everyone around me were over reacting, so I went with the flow of having the tests so that my husband and children would not be worried about me and they would be reassured that everything is fine.I went along and had the first consultation, when the oncologist examined me, she said it was definitely a lump and I would need to have ,ultrasoundand if it felt necessary then I would need to have a biopsy. I remained very calm almost oblivious that I was the one in the hospital having to go through all these tests, still hoping it was not true.
Sadly, I was told I needed to have a biopsy. Even at this point I was hoping that it was not true, almost felt that I was in a dream and it could not be happening to me, other people perhaps who were unhealthy and did not take of their healthwere more likely to become patients.
Three days later I got the results that it is malignant stage 2 Estrogen-receptor positive cancer meaning the disease’s cells grow in response to the hormone estrogen and cancer was not in the lymph nodes. and that I need to be referred to the surgeon who will operate soon as possible to remove the tumour, everything was happening at such a fast pace that I did not really have time to absorb the results and make sense of what was happening. I was feeling numb, my family were extremely worried but I was not in panic state. All I thought about was the Surah from the Qur’ansurah Al-An’am which states “With him are the keys of the unseen-no one knows them except Him. And He knows what is in the land and sea. Not even a leaf falls without His knowledge, nor a rain in the darkness of the earth-green or dry-but is ‘written’ in a perfect Record. This verse would roam in my thoughts constantly that all is this from my creator and I am being tested. How could I go against what I believed? Every time someone would give me sympathy and show shocked reactions, I would have verses of the Qur’an being played in my mind. It was always feeding me with hope and reassurance.
I had in the pastlistened to interviews of doctor working with natural therapies and knew about the side effects of chemotherapy and radiation. I had rarely turned to medication in the whole of my life so having to think about what was to unfold was very hard.
However, sense of relief over my family’s faces when I agreed that I will go through the conventional route. Often, in my life I would do things that would please others overriding my own decisions. Even know I was not left with much choice of where and the type of treatment I could have. Having lived in the uk all my life it seemed that would be the obvious choice to make but at the peak of COVID I did not feel that I wanted to be treated in an environment that was filled with fear, anxiety and people effected by COVID, I was in Islamabad so it made perfect senseto be surrounded by people who would be praying and supporting me through my healing journey and rest I was happy to leave things upon the creator. I was also convinced if cure was from my creator that He would cure me wherevers I was. To me having the family support and Doctors who cared about me and my treatment meant much more to then going to the UK for treatment without a support system in place. Having people around is much more important when going through any illness.
I believe things are meant to be, whatever comes your way I needed to embrace it, and not worry about ittoo much. Somehow, there is sense of freedom not to overthinkand over worry. These were the times when spirituality would contribute to my mental well-being.
The path of treatment, midweek I was sitting in front of the surgeon who was recommended to me, and he took me through the whole process of surgery and recovery. Seemingly, he knew his work well and I did not doubt his competence but I felt completely numb, felt blank and had no questions to ask which was unusual for me as I always check about health and procedures but this time I felt like, well there’s no choice, he is the best to perform the operation and I went along with it.
My younger son with his wife flew over from the UK as soon as they heard about my diagnosis and treatment plan.My older son flew over from Qatar with his family, and being consultant, he was also overseeing the medical aspects of my treatment. My daughter who lives close by would visit often, I felt really blessed to have my husband who supported me unconditional and my three children and grandchildren with me.Exactly 10 days later I was been operated on, to have the Lumpectomy.
On Sunday the day before the operation I was admitted to be ready for the first slot on Monday 1st March 2021. After the anaesthetic I came around 5.00pm confused in my groggy state only to about worry that I had missed my prayers. My husband and children had been waiting patiently for me and to see them felt very reassuring. Upon waking I released that I was fitted with a drain on the side of the surgery for excessive fluid to drain out and this was left for 10 days to make sure no fluid remained. Every day for 10 days I needed to measure the fluid and note it down, by the 10th day it was completely dry. Upon my visit for a check-up and removal of drain tube which I have to say was extremely painful, I though childbirth was painful but this was at another level, I suppose nearly two years later I can say that I was infection free so there was a benefit to the procedure.
The next stage of the treatment was to wait six weeks to consider chemotherapy I was still not on board to accepting it. I was told that it would be useful to have a Oncotype DX test analyses a sample of a cancer tumour to see the activity of certain genes that can affect the cancer’s outcome and how likely it is to grow and spread. The test was done on the tissue taken from the biopsy. If the score is higher than normal then chemotherapy is recommended. I was still hopefully that the Oncotype DX test would prove to be negative and I could get out of having chemotherapy. Unfortunately, the test scored higher than average therefore chemotherapy was the way forward. Whilst, still doubting this was the way forward I wanted to have a break and go up the mountains for few days and have another think.
The lodge we stayed in Abbottabad a very small place with a beautiful view of the green hills around us and it was run by a gentlemanwhose wife had recovered from Breast Cancer, after following the conventionaltreatment, and 15 years later was doing well. He tried to convince me that I should go through it and will have a bad patch during chemotherapy butI will come through it well in the end. And I should reconsider my decision to have chemotherapy. I left feeling that a decision had being made for me. What a coincidence of meeting a stranger up in the mountain’s relating his wife’s story about her cancer journey. When I returned back to Islamabad, I had a neighbour and couple of other people who also had breast cancer many years down the line and were doing well. This seemed very coincidentally that I should be meeting people who were encouraging me and talking about lived experiences of their cancer journey. I felt my creator wasguiding me to such people to help me to make the decision to go ahead. I prayed supplication for seeking guidance, the creator knowledge and power to decree or not to decree is the best outcome which is called salatil-Istikhara.
I finally decided that this is meant to be, I had my creator on my side and my family what more could I have asked for.
Six weeks later following the surgery I had the first chemotherapy, having cannula placed on arm and having the medication through the IV it was still a shock to my system as I rarely taken medicines. It was overwhelming, Came home after the chemotherapy, initial I was very drowsy because of the anti-allergy drugs ,came home and went to bed. I sipped on broth and water.
The next day I had the nurse come with IV hydration which my son had recommended, it took couple of hours this was supposed to help flush out the medicine affects but I also spent the most of the night going to the toilet. By the evening the cannula was removed, a relief.
I went through the conventional treatment I was also supported by a wonderful South Korean Doctor who practiced Chinesenatural & herbal remedies, bless her she supported me throughout my journey of cancer and post cancer. I also added homeopathic treatment alongside from a Homeopathin Islamabad.
I followed a routine of self-care by having a daily routine of
I felt my daily routine had become a full-time job but I was determined to try every natural remedy to reduce toxins affecting my body.
Towards the end of the first week, I began to feel exhausted, very weak in my legs finding it difficult to walk, by the 14th day my hair started falling out, it was messy, hair on my pillow, on my clothes and I decided I could do without this extra job of clearing up every day, so before the next chemotherapy, I had my head shaved felt that there was one less thing to worry about. It was not easy, to see my shoulder length hair disappear. I had tears in my eyes but quickly controlled them, telling myself there is greater good in what was unfolding.
My appetite had beenreduced to very minimal desire for food, and towards the third week of chemotherapy, or just a week before the next chemotherapy my appetite would start to return, so really just for a week I would feel upbound.
From previous understanding of Cancer, I knew I have to give up sugar and started the keto diet. Withing a month I lost 4kg and over the year 15kg of weight. I started listing to podcasts on cancer, reading books and the one that I started reading first was the The Metabolic Therapy by Dr Nasha Winters,next was keto for Cancer which really helped me to implement the keto diet. There were lots of changes to be made, lots of things I gave up but with time I adapted. During the Chemotherapy it was difficult as I would have urges to eat that was not part of Keto but I carried on doing what I could.Socially, it was difficult when everyone kindly offered me desserts or sugar filled food, it did take great amount of will-power to convince others that it’s actually ok not to be eating sugary or fried food and that I am healthier without it. I also began to see this as an opportunity to talk about the importance of taking responsibility for our own health and how food played a key role in progression of disease.Although, I would be mocked for being healthy and still getting Cancer but little did others know that diet is important but our lifestyle and oxidative stress contributes to the breakdown of healthy cells which then turn into cancerous cells.
Following the second dose of chemotherapy my white blood cells were dropping so the oncologist started to boost the levels of white blood cells through injections. I was taking anti-nausea medication. The combination of all the IVs and medication my appetite wasreducing, I just did not feel hungry. I was always told I must eat and eat everything to increase my energy levels and build strength to cope with the treatment but I had no taste or desire to eat. I had become very fussy, I felt it was so limited as I could not take any spice or black peppers this would give me serious reflux and burning so I became very cautious. The first five day following chemotherapy I would be very emotional and not interested in food.
My appetite started to come back by the 7thday but emotionally felt very low.My nails began to turn blue and by day 13 my appetite and the desire to eat started to come back. I was advice that I need to go on a Neutropenic diet, which is an eating plan for weakened immune systems. It involves choosing foods and preparing them in a way that lowers’ the risk of foodborne illness. I followed my own diet which was:
BREAKFAST
MID-MORNING
LUNCH Boiled egg and Lamb kebab
TEA TIME Organic cow’s milk with collagen & cocoa – changed to Camels milk as its low on glucose and Cholesterol
DINNER Steamed vegetables with olive oil sprinkled over them
Daily Routine Apart from the daily routine I had I also began taking high doses of liquid supplements so they would absorb easily into my body, as Chemotherapy damages the Gutlining so taking tablets was not useful for me.
Vitamin D - also sunbathing to get the vitamin D
Vitamin C– Amla powder is excellent form of vitamin C
Blackseed oil
Fish oil
Liver supplements – eating organ meat is very good. Fresh liver is better than taking supplements.
Stat my day with hot water with 1 teaspoon of raw & unprocessed honey
Bath in the sun for 40 minutes and have a massage using olive oil
Followed by late morning with enema and shower
For washing my hair, I would use Arnica shampoo and coconut body wash. I stopped all chemical-based creams, shampoos or other toiletries. Supplementing through skin absorption -iodine, pro-gest, magnesium spray.
Oral hygiene
Combined organic coconut oil, clove oil and peppermint oil. Made into mouthwash and after eating any food I would use it as a mouthwash.
Bedtime routine
Floss my teeth, use the mouthwash.
CBD oral spray
Frankincense oil on my wrist
Spiritual support
My most valuable asset which gave me hope, strength, direction, comfort, peace and tranquillitywas listening and reflecting on the Qur’an.Mainly listening as,I did not have the attention span and energy to read . During the listening I would be crying pouring my heart out to my creator which would give me feelings of relief. I knew I was being heard and understood by my Creator. I was the closest that I could ever have been to my spiritual self. It felt that I had to go through this journey to feel the dependency of my need on my creator. I felt this journey was taking me to places I had not gone before, the feeling of gratitude, the process of death, leaving behind everything and everyone, nothing mattered. I did not want to connect with people and especially those who showed superficial care. To my surprise very few did genuine cared. Since then, I distance myself from meaningless connections but would rather be with sincere people and of course more importantly time spent with my creator. I have come through learning so much.
Few of the websites I used to listen to for spiritual growth:
Ruqqah for Cancer patients
Ayat of Tranquillity, Sakinah, Ayat of Shifa,
You will find Peace by Omar Hisham Al Arabi
I was now on to the third dose of chemotherapy which I would normally have in the mornings but this time I chose to have it in the evening thinking I could just sleep afterwardsand feel less lethargic but it actually became a very uncomfortable night. My body was aching, heavy and feeling pain all over. The next day I was back on the IV saline drip which made made me go to the toilet very often and on top that the anti-nauseas tablet causing me to lose my appetite. Could not take any broth or felt the need to eat, I would crave for certain foods, felt like I was going through a pregnancy. If I thought of something I felt I really needed to have it. I found it difficult to follow any particular diet. Small amounts of natural yogurt or sips of broth, and the most enjoyable was watermelon which would help to bring up burps. I was beginning to feel like a baby with my digestive system all over the place, even drinking small amount of water, I would need burping.
By the third session of chemotherapy, I was very low emotionally, lifeless, without much energy; I was suffering from chronic fatigue. My limbs felt like jelly. I felt I was becoming mentally and physically very fragile. It’s not until 9thof the chemotherapy that I started thinking bit more clearly and start regaining my energy. By Day 10 I was feeling like I am on the upbound journey and began to look forward to the last chemotherapy. Thankfully,it was coming to an end. I would have nights when I could not sleep and I would be dosing on CBD and essential oils like frankincense.
The chemotherapy session hasseemed to affect my recall memory I seem to take longer to remember, forget things very quickly and my speech is slow. Socialising or talking to people seems like hard work. The blueness in my nails and my tongue hadincreased. To watch Tv or talking seems like a great effort, just felt the need to be alone with my Qur’an.
The fourth chemotherapy, finally the last one. This was the highlight for me to know that not only my body could not take any moreof the chemotherapy sessions but my white blood cells were dropping and my mental emotional health was very low. Went through the same procedure as the first three but this time in the morning, the feeling of tiredness and loss of appetite. In addition, my gums were aching and started getting blisters between my thigh areas along with upset stomach. The body was really very weak, I am not a big built, I ampetite small size. My emotional state was such that I would be crying most of the time. It was not until 8th day that I started to get some appetite back, andby day 10 I felt some motivation coming back. Day 12 feeling stronger I wanted to begin to understand all I can about cancer and why my body became cancerous.
Upon completing the chemotherapy sessions, the oncologist suggested I have a C.T scan with contrast before starting 19 sessions of Radiotherapy. I hated having to be exposed to all these radiationsbut it was necessary according to the oncologist. I had to be tattooed on the areas where radiation was going to be given and had to practice holding on my breath for at least 30 seconds, I was very familiar with deep breathing exercises so it was not difficult to do. I was very nervous on the first session of the radiation; I just could not imagine how much radiation was been penetrated in my body.I did this for four weeks daily for five days. It would make me feel tired and towards the end of the sessions, I also started to have low moods. I felt I just wanted all this to be over so that I could start my recovery phase.
When visiting the oncology department and radiotherapy it was very depressing to see so many patients suffering from some form of Cancer, I would carry my book The Metabolic Therapy with me to read in the waiting room and wished I could tell them that there is hope and there is a solution and Cancer is not a death sentence. The misery on the patients faces and the loved ones trying to do everything to save their loved ones. Here in Pakistan medical treatments are very expensive therefore, families suffer as a result of the cost, then feel helpless when recurrence happens.
In my post recovery phase I have had nutritional tests such as Methylation Panel, Cardio-metabolic profile, and full nutritional profile which covered Oxidative stress, Mitochondrial dysfunction, toxic exposure and methylation imbalance, to check what and where I may be deficient so that I can supplement myself to the needs of my body, so I think having a good nutritional therapist is very useful.
I am working on changing my lifestyle and removing some of the oxidative stress that has caused the breakdown of my healthy cells. Working on improving the health of my cells to hopefully to avoid recurrence. Focusing on maintaining the Keto diet, relaxation techniques and learning not to take on too much stress.
I am back working with my clients and trying not to fall into my old way of life before Cancer. Two years of learning about Cancer, changing lifestyle it feels like being in a lonely place with no understanding from others. Constantly having to explain why I do not eat certain things; I do not eat at certain times and focus on better sleeping habits. These ways just do not fit in with the general public.
After realising that I am struggling alone to manage changes which are not the norm, I keep getting the temptations to try a bite of the forbidden foods making Keto diet difficult to follow at times. I made the decision to join Dr Nasha Winters -Metabolic Terrain institute of Health, on a training programme of becoming Terrain Advocate. This program has connected me to many other people who have gone through Cancer and come through successfully and are also on the program for the same ethos of empowering themselves and others to implement the Metabolic Approach to Cancer and create a healthy Terrain. This training works towards rethinking about Cancer and reducing the fear that is placed on patients and families.
The purpose of writing about my journey through Cancer is for others to read and take something away that will help them in their journey of cancer. If I can be of help or if any one needs support, please do not hesitate to contact me:
00923365752225 or 00447748508556 or send me an email
Rukhsanahanjra1@hotmail.co.uk
Books I have been reading for the past two years:
The Metabolic Approach to Cancer by Dr Nasha Winters & Jess H Kelly
Keto for Cancer
By Miriam Kalamian
The Ketogenic Kitchen by Domini Kemp and Patricia Daly
Radical Remission: surviving cancer against all odds by Kelly Turner
The Cancer Whisperer by Sofia Sabbage
The Cancer Revolution: A ground breaking program to Reverse and Prevent Cancer by Leigh Erin Connealy
The Cancer Code: A Revolutionary Understanding of a Medical Mystery by Dr Jason Fung
How To Starve Cancer by Jane McLelland
Anti Cancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber
Energetic Cellular Healing and Cancer: Treating the Emotional Imbalances At The Root of Disease by Tjitze de Jong